Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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