Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
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