Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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