like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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