genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize