I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize