We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
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Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
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want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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