i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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