he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
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She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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