i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
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Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
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I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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