My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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