what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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