she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
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i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
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I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize