I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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