What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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