Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize