Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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