my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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