Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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