He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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