This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i now understand why vodka
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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