Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize