so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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