I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize