It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize