Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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