She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize