Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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