If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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