After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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