I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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