I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize