at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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