Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize