we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
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Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
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Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
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