The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize