Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
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Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
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I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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