you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I need a beard to bite.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize