All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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