How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize