omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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