It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
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Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
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Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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