I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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