is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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