she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize