dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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