Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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