I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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