So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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