I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
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My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
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I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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